Rotundlr

11. Bring consent out of the bedroom. I think part of the reason we have trouble drawing the line “it’s not okay to force someone into sexual activity” is that in many ways, forcing people to do things is part of our culture in general. Cut that shit out of your life. If someone doesn’t want to go to a party, try a new food, get up and dance, make small talk at the lunchtable—that’s their right. Stop the “aww c’mon” and “just this once” and the games where you playfully force someone to play along. Accept that no means no—all the time.

Holly over at The Pervocracy with an excellent 101 post on Consent Culture. Read the whole thing.

I used to want people to chide me into doing things because in some twisted way it meant that they really did want me around (because otherwise they were just being polite). I’ve started to get past that, having realized if people asked me to be somewhere or do something, that meant they wanted me to be there in the first place, and if I said no, hi, I said no and they’re respecting that and it’s foolish to get angry at them for respecting my reaction. I still have serious “overstaying my welcome” issues but it’s gotten better.

One of the things I truly loathe about my current boss is her total lack of respect for boundaries or consent.

I really love this whole essay but the part excerpted here is such a big damn deal. I don’t want to play these kind of games with people. And when I don’t, feelings get hurt because a lot of people seem to be in that ”prove you want me to participate” boat. It’s such a bogus form of interaction. Invitations should not be a test.

Source: drst